When the mind has its conversations

Sleepless nights or the endless nights, whatever you call it, at times your brain is so worked up that you literally cannot fall asleep.

You twist and turn, to the left and to the right thinking about sleep to finally embrace you. Then you start thinking about happy things, the things you would like to dream about or a dream you wanted to continue. 

Hours pass by and you are as alert as an eagle, turn on your lights to the silence but your mind is a constant chatter of infinite crowd. When you stop listening to yourself, or the voices in your head, that is when you can hear others. Mat be that is when you can hear the sound of sleep come to you. 

I am writing because of stress and the stress leading to sleeplessness. Its a phase and it will pass but then it is like moving very slowly and yet when you reflect back it is on fast forward. 

My timeline is messed up at the moment. I do not know how and when things are happening or sometimes why are they not happening fast enough. There are thousands of thoughts whirling in my mind. I wish there was a world of wizards, and I wish I had a Pensive, I would take out each strand of thought from my head and let those thoughts swirl in its misty silvery surface. May be then my head would be clearer. 

In a way this blog is about writing it down, in a pensive, getting my head a bit clearer, to be more productive and well to get peaceful sleep. I miss those days when I was in school and had summer vacations. Not a thing to worry about in the world. Waking up every day at 10 and also sleeping early worrying about nothing the day after. Endlessly reading books all over the house or while walking in the garden. Roaming in the museums being in different timelines. I miss that. 

The age comes at a cost. A cost of those summer days, blissful sleep, innocence of not caring about what will happen next, laughing on small little things, the simplicity of childhood. Then the age takes over and puberty strikes, hormones have parties, and the moods swinging higher or lower laughing or crying with terror. It constantly changes at a cost. The only thing one can do is think about them, smile with a tear trickling down and fall asleep.